Jealousy

I want to be poly, but I'm not sure I can handle knowing someone I love... loves someone else.
Jealousy is a vicious and caustic emotion in a relationship which indicates a lack of trust. Many people from "one on one" relationships define jealousy as a level of suspicion of unfaithfulness. "Unfaithfulness" is a relative term. To one couple, dancing with another would be unfaithful. To others, flirting would be unfaithful. And to still others, even the THOUGHT of another would constitute unfaithfulness.

Those of an open relationship may have a different set of "faithfulness" requirements:

* You are allowed to love, but not have sexual relations.
* You are allowed to have sexual relations, but not love.
* You are allowed to do as you please once I have met (or approved) the other person.
* You can do as you wish as long as it is only with a member of a certain gender.
* You may do whatever you wish, I love you and I would not hold you to rules.

There is a thick black line between the world of swinging and the world of polyamory, but yet so many people blur those lines quite often. That is why the above was stated as "open relationships". I also used the word "allowed" because I thought it played more to the "jealous" mentality. But, the thoughts on jealousy remain the same. If the "rules" (read:understandings) of what is "cheating" are understood and honest communication is present then jealousy should not be a factor because all involved will understand that the others are falling well within the lines of faithfulness. The open-ness actually allows for much less need to think about "cheating".

Aside from "faithfulness", the word jealousy also bears much in common with "envy". And, that may prove to be a greater issue than a need to suspect cheating. With multiple partners, comes limited time with each. This could cause one to envy the time being spent with another. But, again, if there are open lines of communication, all parties involved will hear and appreciate the needs of one who is feeling "left out". Talking things over and getting them out in the open solves most issues of time. There are times when even as a single person we find we don't have time to breathe... but considering multiple relationships with varying dynamics can be exhausting just to think about.

But, if you find yourself in open relationship(s) you will find how to communicate and how to manage your time and if you truly love and trust and communicate with your partner(s), you may just find that jealousy no longer makes sense.